Understanding Grief: A Compassionate Guide Through Loss
Grief is something we all encounter at some point, yet it often feels like uncharted territory. It doesn’t follow a neat timeline, nor does it look the same for any two people. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a major life change, or a significant transition, grief has a way of reshaping our world. By understanding what grief really is, we can begin to navigate it with more compassion—for ourselves and for others.
It helps to start by exploring some of the language around loss. Bereavement refers to the state of having lost something meaningful—whether a person, a role, or a sense of stability. Grief is our internal response to that loss: the sadness, confusion, anger, and numbness that can rise up unexpectedly. Mourning is how we express grief outwardly, and it can look different across cultures and individuals. These terms may overlap, but understanding the distinctions can help validate our experiences.
Grief doesn’t just follow death. It can arise after a breakup, job loss, health diagnosis, or even a major life change like moving to a new city. There are also different forms of grief: prolonged grief, when feelings of loss become so overwhelming they interfere with daily life; anticipatory grief, when we begin mourning before the loss occurs; and disenfranchised grief, which often goes unrecognized by others—like grieving a secret relationship or the loss of a beloved pet. All of these are valid. All of them matter.
Many of us have heard of the five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages were never meant to be a step-by-step guide but were originally developed to describe what people go through when facing terminal illness. Real-life grief doesn’t unfold in a straight line. Instead, it tends to ebb and flow. One helpful framework is the dual process model, which recognizes that people naturally move between moments of deep mourning and moments of engaging with life. Both are necessary for healing.
One of the most difficult parts of grieving can be how the world around us responds—or doesn’t. In many Western cultures, there's an unspoken expectation that we’ll “move on” quickly. Bereavement leave may last only a few days, while the emotional impact can linger for months or years. This pressure to be “okay” again can leave grievers feeling isolated. In contrast, some cultures build space for grief into everyday life—offering rituals and communal support that remind us it’s okay to keep loving and remembering.
Grief has no finish line. It can soften with time, but it doesn’t vanish. Important dates, sudden memories, or a certain song can bring it rushing back. A helpful metaphor is the “grief ball in a jar”—at first, the grief is so large that it constantly hits the sides of your life, causing pain. Over time, your “jar” grows—filled with new experiences, people, and meaning. The grief is still there, but it becomes more manageable. That image reminds us that healing isn’t about forgetting—it’s about growing around the grief.
Grief and Loss Therapy can be a meaningful part of that healing process. Speaking with a trained grief therapist provides a safe, non-judgmental space to explore grief in all its forms—whether it's fresh and raw, buried deep, or confusing and hard to name. A counsellor can help you make sense of the emotions you're experiencing, identify healthy coping strategies, and support you in finding your own path forward. Grief doesn't need to be carried alone—and grief therapy can offer steady, compassionate support through each step of the journey.
If you or someone you love is grieving, know this: there is no right way to do it. Be gentle with yourself. Give others room to grieve in their own way, too. Grief is a reflection of love—and that love, in all its depth and pain, deserves to be honored with care, patience, and kindness.
