Supporting Others in Their Grief: How to Be a True Source of Comfort

Grieving the loss of a loved one is one of the most challenging human experiences—and while coping with our own grief is difficult, supporting someone else through theirs can feel even harder. It’s common to wish for some kind of superpower to know exactly what the grieving person needs. Grief is deeply personal and unique to each individual, which makes figuring out how to help feel overwhelming at times. But by approaching with patience, empathy, and a willingness to simply be present, we can offer real, meaningful support.

One of the first and most important things to remember is that communication matters. A simple, heartfelt check-in like “I’m thinking of you” can go a long way. Still, it’s important to know that if they don’t respond right away—or at all—it isn’t a reflection of how they feel about you. Sometimes grief is just too heavy to carry and communicate at the same time. This is where grace comes in. Continuing to gently check in, without pressure or expectation, lets them know you’re there when they’re ready.

Listening—really listening—is one of the most valuable gifts we can offer someone who is grieving. You don’t need to have the right answers or say the perfect thing. In fact, trying to fix their pain often does more harm than good. If they say they’re “fine”, accept that at face value and leave the door open for more when they’re ready. Holding space for them, without probing or solving, allows them to feel seen and respected.

It’s also helpful to remember that grief isn’t something that can be "fixed." Our instinct may be to try and make the person feel better or rush them through the process, but grief doesn’t work that way. It’s a journey that unfolds over time. Instead of offering solutions, offer your presence. Just sitting with someone in their sorrow—without needing to change it—is often the most comforting thing you can do.

Offering practical help is another way to support someone who is grieving. Everyday tasks can feel monumental when you're in the depths of loss. Making meals, helping with errands, or assisting with chores can ease some of the burden. That said, it’s important to be mindful of what kind of help they actually want. Not everyone wants others in their space, so asking specific, thoughtful questions—like “Would it help if I picked up a few groceries?”—shows that your support is sincere and respectful.

If you’re not sure what to say or do, honesty can open the door. Something as simple as, “I see that you’re grieving, and I want to support you. I don’t know exactly how, but I’m here,” can create a sense of safety and trust. It lets them know they don’t need to pretend they’re okay, and that they’re not alone in their pain.

It’s also important to be prepared for real answers when you ask how someone is doing. They may not say “I’m fine.” They may say they’re angry, lost, or not okay at all. The best thing you can do in that moment is to let them be honest. Don’t try to cheer them up or steer them toward silver linings. Grief is raw and real, and being a steady presence means holding space for uncomfortable emotions without trying to make them smaller.

One of the most common missteps in supporting a grieving person is relying on clichés or trying to make sense of their pain with phrases like “They’re in a better place,” or “Everything happens for a reason.” While these are often said with good intentions, they can feel deeply invalidating. What grieving people need is for their pain to be acknowledged, not explained away. Instead, try saying, “I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you,” or “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”

Ultimately, grief is not something we can solve—it’s something we need to survive and move through, in our own time and way. As supporters, our role is not to fix, but to walk alongside. By offering consistent, gentle support—emotionally and practically—we can help people feel less alone. What matters most isn’t perfect words or grand gestures. It’s the simple, human act of showing up with compassion, again and again.